Challenge

“The biggest challenge in life is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else”

I am a pleaser. And I finally can admit it. I want others to be happy. Do everything for them. Buy them expensive shoes, more expensive ones than I will ever buy for myself. If they have an important event, a happening or a day to remember I am there. With a small present, a creatively made “feel better soon” basket out of paper. I am the one that can take care of others. And I always thought that by doing this I did not take care of myself.

Until last week. I spoke to a friend and she told me that people always do what is best for them. We are selfish in nature, to survive. This comment has not left my mind since then. I have thought about it. Over and over again. And again. What is the reason that I invest more in the life of others than I do invest in myself? Why do I feel so deeply hurt when people reject me (they change my position at work, and I explode)?

And this evening I realized. I am investing in myself. Making others feel good and see them smile, fills me with joy, happiness. I want people to be happy. And I am happy if others are, so therefore I am taking care of them. (By the way, suddenly I realize that my choice of studing psychology was the perfect one). And I feel hurt, deeply hurt when I have invested so much and I get “nothing” in return. Don`t get me wrong, I don`t expect people to do the same back for me, the law of recipocity, I passed that stage a long time ago. And “fairness” is a big issue for me.

An example. I have been working at a company for over 5 years now. I have worked day and night for that company, working 3FT at the time, because there was no one else to do the job. Before I went on maternity leave I had a meeting with my boss and she promised me an extra bonus, a car, holidays to spend when I want to (of course not at the same time she would be out of the office). And during my maternity leave I had a meeting with her (two months after my son was born)…she sent me an e-mail with all the mistakes I made (which some of them I did, but that were not mayor ones, others were not my responsibility). All arrangements we had were frozen. I was still high in the air on my blue cloud, not even thinking about work. She more or less obliged me (abusing my feeling of responsibility) to come back to work three weeks before maternity leave ended. And so I did. She said I could stay with the same salary working one day less (which by law should working a total of 10 hours per week less for the same salary). During the weeks I realized that suddenly I had a manager, while before I was running the whole company…

To make a long story short. I feel abused, and screwed. I worked so hard to please the boss (and therefore myself) and she just treats me like I am one of a kind. Writing this it makes me realize that I am the one that has treated her self as one of a kind accepting all this…

Luckily for me a new challenge is waiting for me. I will start a new job, back to my profession. Back to my passion. Back to what makes me happy: training, inspiring and coaching people. I can´t wait to start. And I am not ashamed to say that I mainly love my new job because I know I will feel way better too!

Success

“Success occurs when your dreams get bigger than your excuses”

I tried, I really did. And it didn´t work out. Again! I wanted to write something every day, as an excercise for that long lived idea of writing a book one day. And I started, as I always start something I want. At least I can find that motivation. And than, suddenly it stops again. I just stop doing it. I thought I was going to make it this time, but no. Again I got stuck in the business of daily life. A stupid excuse as writing should be part of it as well.

I don´t know what it is that I don´t make it my priority. That I prefer to watch non-interesting programs on tv, instead of making my dream come true: after a year having written a book consisting of 365 moments for me every day. It is not the first time this happened. I think I have about 6 different diaries I started. Three months ago I started jogging, and after three days I gave up. I did a course to be able to build websites, I finished, and that was is. I love salsa dancing, went to classes, could dance pretty well and I just stopped, while I wanted to do presentations in dancing…

I really think it has to to with changing lifestyle. I must make writing part of my daily routine. Even if I´m tired, even if I´m home late, even if I have other excuses, I must be able to find at least 15 minutes to clear my head and write something. And it is so contradictory, as those things I mentioned (writing in a diary, working on my physical condition, dancing) really make me feel better. They make me feel alive, make me feel proud of myself. So why don´t I continue with them?

The man in the glass

The man in the glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest
For he’s with you, clear to the end
And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

- Peter Dale Wimbrow -

Dreams

“Dream higher than the sky and deeper than the ocean”

I love to have dreams (and even nicer dreaming in a bed with recently changed sheets and covers). Not just the dreaming, but the afterparty of the dream. While dreaming (even when I am awake) I feel the energy pour through my vines, the passion getting out through my eyes, and my legs…even after the hardest exercise the day before, take me wherever I wanna go to. It is the question “what makes you get out of bed every morning?” that gets me triggered. It is my dreams…No, that is not correct, it is not the dreams itself but the fact that I want to transform those dreams into reality. Not chasing the dreams, that will mean I will always be behind; catching that big cloud, putting it in my backpack and take it with me, wherever I go. Meanwhile I find all things along the way that will make sure that this dream will come out of my backpack once, transformed (as a caterpillar into a butterfly) in reality. Have you ever thought about buying a red car, and suddenly you see so much red cars around you? Or have you found out you were pregnant, and suddenly you only see pregnant women around you? That is how the mind works. If you think about your dream, act like it is already changed in that beautiful reality, and all things that will help you achieving your new reality will cross your path! You just need to pick them up.

Faith

“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.” – Sonia Ricotti

I am still in love with the book “Synchronicity: the inner path of Leadership” by Jaworksi. I read the book about 10 years ago and I still believe in his words. That all pieces of the puzzle fall in to place when it is meant to happen. That if things are meant to be they will happen. Life has shown it to me over and over again.

I am at the point of turning my life up-side-down again (well what´s new, people who know me know that I am good at it and that my life is never boring) and therefore I need to search for a lot of information. Not a problem you would say, in this virtual time where everything you want to know (and to be honest: things you don`t want to know) is to be found in the digital world. Well…not always. Information is so unclear, lots of people don`t know the rules and just say something. And after one month of searching finally the puzzle was finished (well there is missing one small piece, but with 749 pieces in its place that is peanuts). All just fell into place. Within half an hour my life changed from being the lion searching for its pray to the buddah believing in faith and that what is meant to happen, will happen. Thank God!

The journey

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”

The past years I have learned that if you want something, you need to go for it. Not just a bit, 50%, while doubting…No! You need to go with all the energy, love and passion you have inside you to make sure that your dreams come true. As Anthony Robbins says: “the path to succes is to take massive determined action.”

And that´s what I am doing right now. It is scary though sometimes. Being so enthusiastic and finding closed doors all the time. I try to find new ones and actually am pretty good in it. I learned that you should never loose hope, there is always a solution. There are so many doors. You just need to insist, and find the right one. And if you are doing what you really want, you will continue with the passion you started with. It doesn´t matter how many closed doors will be on your way…at the end one of them will open.

I remember that five years ago I gave several presentations about making your dreams come true. I talked to a lot of people who got stuck in their jobs, friendships and relationships. People that were afraid to make any changes, as the majority asked me “but what will happen if I quit my job, tell my friends I don´t feel that the friendship is a reciprocal one, or if I end my relationship (the children will be so affected)?” I always answered with just one question to them: “what is the worst that can happen?” It is such a powerful question that makes a lot of obstacles go away.

And now, five years later I am in that position. I want a change in life, have a lot of energy and passion to make it happen and still…I feel something bubbling inside me and I am not sure what it is. Is it fear? Am I afraid? Is it insecurity? Is it desperation (I know myself and if I want something really bad, I want it now and often that is not even close to possible)? I trust and have faith that all will work out, but this feeling doesn´t go away. Tonight, before falling asleep, I will ask myself the question: “what is the worst that can happen?” Let´s see if my dreams have the answer…And then take the first step on this new, unpaved road.