“The biggest challenge in life is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else”
I am a pleaser. And I finally can admit it. I want others to be happy. Do everything for them. Buy them expensive shoes, more expensive ones than I will ever buy for myself. If they have an important event, a happening or a day to remember I am there. With a small present, a creatively made “feel better soon” basket out of paper. I am the one that can take care of others. And I always thought that by doing this I did not take care of myself.
Until last week. I spoke to a friend and she told me that people always do what is best for them. We are selfish in nature, to survive. This comment has not left my mind since then. I have thought about it. Over and over again. And again. What is the reason that I invest more in the life of others than I do invest in myself? Why do I feel so deeply hurt when people reject me (they change my position at work, and I explode)?
And this evening I realized. I am investing in myself. Making others feel good and see them smile, fills me with joy, happiness. I want people to be happy. And I am happy if others are, so therefore I am taking care of them. (By the way, suddenly I realize that my choice of studing psychology was the perfect one). And I feel hurt, deeply hurt when I have invested so much and I get “nothing” in return. Don`t get me wrong, I don`t expect people to do the same back for me, the law of recipocity, I passed that stage a long time ago. And “fairness” is a big issue for me.
An example. I have been working at a company for over 5 years now. I have worked day and night for that company, working 3FT at the time, because there was no one else to do the job. Before I went on maternity leave I had a meeting with my boss and she promised me an extra bonus, a car, holidays to spend when I want to (of course not at the same time she would be out of the office). And during my maternity leave I had a meeting with her (two months after my son was born)…she sent me an e-mail with all the mistakes I made (which some of them I did, but that were not mayor ones, others were not my responsibility). All arrangements we had were frozen. I was still high in the air on my blue cloud, not even thinking about work. She more or less obliged me (abusing my feeling of responsibility) to come back to work three weeks before maternity leave ended. And so I did. She said I could stay with the same salary working one day less (which by law should working a total of 10 hours per week less for the same salary). During the weeks I realized that suddenly I had a manager, while before I was running the whole company…
To make a long story short. I feel abused, and screwed. I worked so hard to please the boss (and therefore myself) and she just treats me like I am one of a kind. Writing this it makes me realize that I am the one that has treated her self as one of a kind accepting all this…
Luckily for me a new challenge is waiting for me. I will start a new job, back to my profession. Back to my passion. Back to what makes me happy: training, inspiring and coaching people. I can´t wait to start. And I am not ashamed to say that I mainly love my new job because I know I will feel way better too!